Paint Sinner

I sat down next to the screen and from the other side, a voice spoke to me.

"Hello, my son"

I stared at my feet and spoke, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

"What is the nature of your sins, my son?"

"I've been painting the kitchen ... and I've done things ... bad things Father."

"Go on." came the calm voice.

"I left the tape on through the prime coat and the two finish coats, even tho I know the commandments say, 'Thou shalt not be slothful and fail to untape and retape', I knowingly violated the word and some of the paint came off with the tape. Oh, I scored it with a knife ...I know that's not right, but I did it Father, I did it knowingly!!"

"Is that all my son?"

" No ... I ... I ... I didn't prime the tiny laundry room. No clean white canvas to apply the finish coat like the adjoining kitchen ... I was tired, it's a small, small room, ... I thought 'who looks in a laundry room?' ... and the old coat was a light blue, not white, but it looked easy to cover."

Now from behind the screen, I heard a small gasp.

"I see." said the quiet calm voice, although now there was a sterner tone to it.

"It was hell in there Father. The finish coat didn't stick as well as on primer, I painted and repainted. The room is so small, the washer and dryer fill the space ... I was painting like a contortionist."

"My son, you should ..." he began, but I interrupted him.

"One last thing Father, ... about the wall behind the fridge."

"YOU DIDN'T!" he shrieked.

"No, but I wanted to Father, I wanted, ...no..., I LUSTED to NOT paint behind the fridge, BECAUSE WHO WOULD KNOW?

"So, you did paint behind the fridge?"

"Yes, but still, in my mind I wanted to skip it, thinking no one would know. I lusted in my mind Father to not paint a hidden area. Didn't Jimmy Carter say that was the same thing as ..."

From behind the screen, I heard a sigh of relief.

"Life is full of temptations, my son. You faced that one successfully, even though the paint sloth demons tried to win you to the dark side of the fridge."

"Will I be okay?"

"Yes, my son. For your penance, you should wash your rollers out thoroughly 10 times instead of throwing them away. You should use Holy water to do this."

"Thank you Father. Great idea by the way, putting these confessionals in Home Depot for us remodelers. Now where do I find the Holy water?"

From behind the window screen display, the voice said,

"This aisle is Window's and Doors, Holy water's on aisle 6, Plumbing and Fixtures."