Saturday, January 07, 2006

I Know Where MY Scissors Are.



I know where my scissors are. I also know where my flashlight, my calculator, and my nail clippers are. I know where these items are, because I hide them. I have to, or they would disappear.

I used to be generous and would readily loan these and other items to the people I live with. I was even naive enough to leave my calculator out in plain view on the desk and think that it would be there when I returned. That was before...before things began vanishing.

"Where's my calculator? Has anyone seen my calculator? I've got to pay the bills and I need my calculator!"

"It's on the trampoline, I was doing my homework outside"

"Before or after the rain?"

"It's out in the truck"

"The truck?...the truck's gone to town"

"I had it on the couch...look under the cushions" (yeah, right...our couch is a wormhole that instantly transports dropped items to some other dimension...kind of like a StarGate with armrests)

Finally, in desperation I labeled my calculator with a warning to foil all borrowing by minors. That worked for a while. It's not like they don't have calculators. The girls have $$$ graphing calculators that do all kinds of whiz bang high math stuff. Mine adds, subtracts, multiplies, and divides.

It's the same story with scissors, flashlights, etc. Actually you can find a flashlight or two, but they will be

a) Out in the yard, batteries dead, the lens cover filled with rain water.

b) In the various kid rooms, either empty or filled with dead batteries.

As for can NOT find a pair of scissors in this house.

I can of course, because I hide mine.

I'm really not a stingy person, I just want things back after you use them.

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pablo said...

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I face the same problem, and I've used the same solutions. My scissors even has a similar message written on it. Even so, I have to be vigilant about protecting them. I come across as obsessive, but you and I know better!

Wayne said...

Nail clippers. Reading glasses (now that I'm sage and elderly). Forceps. Fisher ruler. Shark-tooth saw. Scalpel. Seed envelopes. It's astonishing what that black hole will absorb.

ejffsqkx - something you'd rather not get squicked about.

roger said...

i hide stuff from myself by forgetting where i left it. it it isn't in the place i usually put it, i'm stuck.

Rexroth's Daughter said...

When the pirate's kids were young and came to spend holidays and summers with us, I remember that even kitchen utensils disappeared. It seemed that the spatula walked off with the spoon. Nowadays, it's just the two of us, and when something goes missing we only have each other to look at. Mmmm... the pirate must have put that iPod documentation somewhere, and where's that letter from the dentist's office? FC, could you check to see if they wound up at your house?

Girl Gone Gardening said...

hahahaha! you sound like my husband...

He swears I purposly hides things on him...

Usually he finds he put them somewhere and forgot :P

vicki said...

batteries! Are they dead or alive? They are never in the package where I hid them away but they are all over the place in odd couples. Pruning shears- gone! And now it's gotten down to phone chargers! Arggghhh.

My tool box is labeled and it looks a lot more menacing than the note on your calculator. You have my sympathies...

roger said...

pablo and fc----no running with those scissors.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

The worst part is when you put something away "so I'll know where it is," and then forget where it is.

Rurality said...

I always put my things in someplace "good". Sometimes I put them in a "really good" place though, and can't even find them myself.

Also, I'm of the opinion that Google words are all secretly Welsh.

Floridacracker said...

Could this be the revenge of our Dad's? I used to get an earful when I forgot to put up his tools after building boats, cages, etc.

Somewhere there's a hardware store worth of stuff just floating about in the ether...

Me too. This is why I got married, so I would have someone to find stuff I misplaced and then say, "Why here it is, right in front of you." It is an uncanny wife sixth sense or something...either that or witchcraft.

I haven't found your dental bill yet, ...have you seen my wedding ring?

I have suspected the same thing...and been guilty of the same ...misplacement. Thanks for stopping by!

It seems that the battery size I am looking for is never the kind we have in the battery box. Ditto on toobox warnings...menacing is good.

Safety first. Hah!

My dad does that with Christmas presents he buys in May.

At least they're safe. You COULD train Jasmine as a tracker dog...
Either Welsh or Romulan would be my guess for those google words.

Hick said...

Heh! I think I saw all that stuff floating around the lake the other day when I was up there.

My theory is: there are hunter-types and gatherer-types. Unfortunately, I am the only gatherer in the house (like a squirrel I have been forced to gather and hide.) The hunters don't seem to mind looking for misplaced items...I hate it, so I hide everything...which prompts the hunter-types to try and find them. Sigh.

rick said...

I see that I am not the only one with a in house conspiracy to make me go nuts.I dont have that problem finding my tools because the lawn mower does that for me.

Floridacracker said...

It's kind of a grasshopper and the ant story when you think about it...

LOL! Be sure to wear your body armor when mowing.