Friday, February 03, 2006

What To Do If Your Pants Begin Talking ...

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For my birthday, I received a small pocket digital recorder. It's smaller than a Snickers bar and is easy to carry. I've been using it quite a bit to reinforce my infamous ability to forget important stuff.

If I hit the play button right now, it says " Get exam reviews for KM....Blogger post idea -Frogapalooza, go down to the pond tonight and check for mating frogs after today's rains....Call surveyor....Take care of Valentines now, don't wait...."

Mostly it has been very handy and has already saved my behind a time or two. Yesterday, it caused me a little embarrassment...

I had spent the day at a Science Textbook seminar in Lake City. Imagine a huge auditorium filled with every kind of science text you could think of, plus all the cool teacher goodies that go with them. During these seminars, we government school teachers get a chance to select the science texts we hope to use for the next 5 years or so.

The seminar was good, but a day of reading books had put me in a drowsy mood as I drove south on I-75. At the Gainesville interchange, there was a Starbucks shining like a glorious beacon of caffeine, so I whipped the Jeep onto the exit ramp.

Flashback to that morning as I am getting ready to leave the house. As I'm going out the door, my wife reminded me that the folks on TV said you should scan your computer today because the "Kama Sutra" virus was set to activate and wipe out files. I reached in my pocket for my handy dandy recorder and recorded this message, "Scan computer for kama sutra". I slipped the recorder back in my pocket and off I went.

Meanwhile, back at the offramp....I pulled into Starbucks and went inside. I'm always intimidated ordering coffee at a frufru coffee place because I just want coffee. I don't want a vanilla mocha cinnamon yuppie flavored, whipped, iced expresso'd creamy coffee thingy. I just want coffee.

"Just give me a good plain coffee, you pick it." I told the girl behind the counter.
She poured me a coffee, "It's Sumatra, if you want to know"
Nope.

I fumbled in my pocket for some cash. I guess I bumped the "play" button on my recorder. Suddenly, my pants began to speak, "SCAN COMPUTER FOR KAMA SUTRA"

Everyone in the dining area turned to look at me. The Starbucks girl is staring at the source of the voice...my Wranglers. She's got a strange look on her face and is trying not to lose it.

Man, I'm glad I got that coffee to go.

11 comments:

Wayne said...

Here you are, FC, presenting yourself as a rube and thrilling every liberal in sight, or earshot. As my grandmother would say, "I swan'".

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Yeah and that Kona and Colombia are pretty tough virii too. You might want to get them into your pants.

Rurality said...

Oh nooooo!

Wonder what the Starbucks girl wrote in HER blog. ("This really strange man came in today...")

roger said...

nice cartoon. and interesting adventure.

kama sumatra?

Rexroth's Daughter said...

Wonderful moment, FC. I wish I had been in Starbucks at the time. I would have blogged about it for sure! I was going to say Kama Sumatra too. Pirate beat me to it.

The pirate's oldest daughter once left us a keychain with a device on the end that had four buttons. Each button had something more foul to say than the one before: Fuck You, Fuck off, etc. I once had it in my purse on a bus when it started talking by itself. Quite a charming string of expletives coming straight from my purse.

pablo said...

I'm told that I don't have as much to fear about viruses since I work on a Mac, but when I started up this a.m., something had my hard drive a-spinning for a long time. I guess I'd better check all of my Word files.

Floridacracker said...

Wayne,
Cheap thrills :)

Hoss,
I was just trying to keep the Jeep straight ;)

Rurality,
...and she would be right :)

DPR and RD,
Since you both thought of it...How Clever! I missed that completely!
Maybe I am a rube...

Pablo,
Here's hoping your hard drive is just spinning out of sheer joy.

Xariklea said...

Hahahahahahaha! Oh, priceless....ROTFLMAO!!!!! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it, the weather's been so bad, I've been cooped up in the house since yesterday morning with mom, watching her favorite shows...QVC, Home Shopping, and ShopNBC. You saved me, some!

Floridacracker said...

xariklea,
Glad it helped! That does sound like torture tv. :)

doubleknot said...

Way to go - just think of how interesting you made those people's morning go.

Hick said...

My oldest works at Starbucks and from what I understand this might be considered normal behavior in some of the Starbucks...

It surely gave me a laugh, though...