The Tree Was Angry That Day, My Friends

(Forget wordless Wednesday ... the video was too dull)


It turned out there were creatures living in the tree I felled last weekend. As the tree hit the ground, they began to descend from the canopy.

I held my chainsaw at the ready... just in case.


Disturbed by the disruption in their habitat, they at first turned upon each other.

Then, an uneasy truce prevailed and a new, sleeker, possibly more intelligent tree beast appeared. It was at that point that they seemed to notice me.

The dark one seemed to be their leader.

We stared into each other's eyes ... each daring the other to flinch.

After a brief staredown, the lead tree beast turned and returned to the canopy of the newly fallen tree. The others soon followed.

I holstered my chainsaw and breathed a sign of relief.

FC And The Amazing Technicolor Dream Pig

The thing about seeking legendary creatures like the Amazing Technicolor Dream Pig is ... you don't usually find them.
This is why they are "legendary".

Of course, the fun is in the seeking, and besides ... if you get a video camera, set it on night vision, and grab a couple of dopey friends, you could get your own series on the SciFi channel, ala "Ghost Hunters".

Here's some tips if you do ...

Remember, try not to actually think while writing your script for the show ... the dialogue should mostly consist of "What was that?! EEK! Whoa, I'm getting a reading! Didju feel that? ...etc"

Repeat as necessary.

My own quest for a legendary creature ... the AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAM PIG, took me deep into the swamps of Pure Florida. I thought I may have glimpsed him last week when I took the boys canoeing, so this Sunday evening, I headed back in to Devil's Hammock Wildlife Management Area.

I stopped the JEEP where you see it, not because it couldn't handle that little rut, (HA ! As if...) , but because the roads you are allowed to drive on in Devil's Hammock sometimes just fade away into swampy tracks. You are allowed to drive on the named roads and this one was a named road when I turned on to it, but it more or less melted rather than ended ...

I'm often not sure if it's legal for me to proceed, so I err on the side of caution. It would be pretty embarrassing for an ex-Park Ranger to get a ticket for offroading in a park.

Besides ... elusive mystery beasts are often quite shy and a noisy JEEP crunching through an overgrown track is not the best way to seek them out.

So, I exited the JEEP and began creeping through the darkening swamp. It was a little after 7 PM which everyone knows is prime mystery animal seeking time.

It wasn't long before I heard crunching and grunting. A herd of wild hogs were rooting through a dry swamp.

I crouched down and put myself behind a small bush. When it was clear they were oblivious to my presence, I moved closer, stopping whenever they looked up. Mostly they were snouts down and strictly business.

These pics aren't the sharpest I've ever posted. The evening light in the swamp was very dim, so I used fill flash ... half expecting them to bolt after the first shot, but they seemed to not notice.

You can see the Amazing Technicolor Dream Pigs in these 3 shots.

What you can't see are the constantly wagging pig tails (cute) or the mosquitoes (not cute).

Above: Dream pigs with normal pig.

So, the legend of the Amazing Technicolor Dream Pig is true.
Heady stuff.


Now I can put a check on my Things To Do Life List where it says, "Solve mystery of the Amazing Technicolor Dream Pig Legend."

Next item on the list is, "Solve mystery of the electoral college process." Yikes!, I think I'll skip that one ... what's the next one say ...oh yes, ...

" Solve mystery of the Florida Skunk Ape Legend."

I'm on it.

Corniness

Last Friday, this was my station for about an hour and a half. It was the evening of the annual FFA Food Fest and my job was corn on the cob cooker.
I boiled three cases of wonderful fresh south Florida sweet corn in the husk using my "bigger than y'alls" pot.
It's bigger, admit it.

The corn was spectacular, but what really blew the minds of the local corn munching populace (mostly farmers with a real appreciation of good corn) was a technique I stole from watching my Uncle Richard serve corn at family reunions back in St. Augustine.

(Aunt Shelba, tell him thanks for me!)

While the corn is boiling, a large can of warm water is placed nearby with a stick or two of butter melted in it. The butter floats at the surface of course. Each person peels back their corn husk and dips their ear of corn into the can. As they withdraw it the butter coats the ear perfectly.
It's very efficient.

Apparently, no one in our huge county had ever heard of such a thing and they were all amazed at my cleverness.

Of course, I told them I had invented the idea ... so now I'm considered a bit of a corn genius around these parts.
A week later, people keep coming up to me and telling me how good that corn was and "... wasn't that a clever way of buttering it."




I guess you could say they lichen me, they really, really lichen me.

Olympus Mons

"Seen nearer, the Thing was incredibly strange, for it was no mere insensate machine driving on its way. Machine it was, with a ringing metallic pace, and long, flexible, glittering tentacles (one of which gripped a young pine-tree) swinging and rattling about its strange body. It picked its road as it went striding along, and the brazen hood that surmounted it moved to and fro with the inevitable suggestion of a head looking about. Behind the main body was a huge mass of white metal like a gigantic fisherman's basket, and puffs of green smoke squirted out from the joints of the simbs as the monster swept by me. And in an instant it was gone."



Things have been pretty crazy around here this week, what with the invasion by Mars and ...

... the volcano which has started forming in the front yard.

On top of that, it's EXAM week and I haven't pushed a shutter release button in days due to a hectic schedule.

I did get lectured by a lizard though and if time ever allows, I will share it with you.

Have a great Wednesday ... try to avoid the tripods.

Weird Happenings At PFHQ

If I swivel around 180 degrees while sitting at the Pure Florida 4 year old Dell 'puter, I can look out this window and see deer eating my lawn and flowers most summer mornings. So, it wasn't odd to do just that and see the does and spike buck chomping away out there a few days ago.

I was kind of surprised to see that the dogs had finally gotten the bugs out of their XK-9 holographic projector project that they had been working on from their lair beneath the porch steps.

I had suspected they were up to something for quite a while. They're both retrievers, so it's not unusual to see them carrying something in their soft mouths, but twice I caught Flounder carrying electrical components like wiring and LED's. Plus, he says he likes to lie out in the barn, because there's an old fan I leave on low for ventilation, but yesterday, I discovered that the old, retired Gateway computer stored next to the fan has been cannibalized of most of it's parts.

Hmmmm ...

His sister Feather has been spending a lot of time under the porch which wouldn't be all that suspicious except for the buzzing, flashes of light, and the smell of hot solder coming from down there.

She's been so busy under there that she forgets to come out and eat, so I pass her Cuban sandwiches to keep her strength up. At first I thought she was just being lazy, you know, "Dog Days of August" and all of that.

If only that were true.

Recently, I received this strange email:

Dear Mr. Ruff,

The xenon laser you ordered on August 1, 2007 (PO# 0781-345) has been shipped and charges to your credit card of $345.00 have been applied. Thank you for your order.

Edmund Scientific Company

Mr. Ruff?

I wasn't even home on August 1st, I was out in the Gulf of Florida at camp.

(Have I mentioned camp lately?)

It's pretty clear to me that Flounder has a house key and was on the computer while I was away.

So, the only question now is what are they up to? Are the deer just test subjects or is the device a way of communicating with the very animals that the dogs are supposed to be keeping away from house and garden?

It's a mystery, made all the more troubling by another discovery ...

The banana spider seems to have finally perfected her Laser Web.

Rurban Legends

(Yes, it's biting me ... no, it doesn't hurt)

My 7th graders, each year, breathlessly tell me, " Mr. FC, did you know the most poisonous animal is the Daddy LongLegs ... only his fangs are too small to penetrate human skin!"

So every year, I ask them why an animal that feeds on a mix of very small critters and detritus would need such a super venom and we work our way to the realization that this is just one more Rurban Legend ... just like "Mr.FC, did you know your blood is really blue inside you and it turns red when it hits the air!" (There's a teacher at the Elementary feeder school across the street that perpetuates this .... arrrghh.)

We work through that one too.

I have heard of a thing called a "ROOMBA" that reportedly cleans floors all by itself. I think that is probably an urban legend, but I do have confirmation on a related Rurban Legend that seems to be true.

Above you see actual photographs of the legendary "TREEMBA" in the act of sweeping the forest floor.

Myth no more.