Saturday, December 31, 2005

Why Pigs Hate New Years

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I was out chatting with Mia Hamm and NTBD this morning and they shared some of their feelings about this time of year.

Mia began, "Well, we don't mind Christmas too much, although Thanksgiving is a little scary for us..."

"Worse for the turkeys though.",
NTBD interrupted. We all nodded in agreement on this point. Thanksgiving is a dark day in the world of turkeys.

Mia stopped scratching herself against the fence post for a moment and said, " The holiday I really hate is New Years...both New Years Eve and New Years Day. I find them really depressing."

NTBD finished chewing in that open mouth, smacky way that pigs chew and acknowledged Mia's observation. " It is the Thanksgiving of pigdom. Worse than the 4th of July or Memorial day. Absolutely the worst holiday."

Now, I had a feeling where this was heading, but I played along. "So, why is this holiday worse than any other?", I asked as I wrestled with the easy open stringy thing on the feed bag. It broke off as usual.

Mia looked me in the eye as only a pig will do, "You are kidding, right?"

NTBD let the feeder cover drop with a clang. "And just what is on your New Year's menu this year...and EVERY year?"

I gave up on the easy open end of the feed bag and knifed it open...trying to avoid the pigs eyes as I dumped more feed into the feeder. " Uhm, well, we're going to have a huge tub of salad, monkey bread, baked potatoes, mac and cheese....slabs and slabs of pork spare ribs barbecued for hours over oak... ", my voice trailed off.

" We not only have a great sense of smell, we can hear pretty good too.", snorted NTBD.

Mia chimed in, "That's the New Year's Eve menu, what about the next day?"

"Well, it's traditonal to have Hopping John, rice, and collard greens."
I threw the empty feed bag over the fence and waited for the inevitable question.

"Pray tell, what is Hopping John?", Mia stared at me.

"Yes, do tell", said NTBD.

" It's black-eyed peas ..." I began.

"...seasoned with HAM HOCKS!" interrupted NTBD.

"...and it is traditonal to sprinkle crumbled bacon atop each serving too!" tossed in Mia. " Ask him about the collard greens!"

"Yes, yes...what is the main seasoning in those collard greens?" asked NTBD.

"Ham hocks or good bacon"
, I whispered.

" Well, there you go. Can't you see why we don't like this New Years holiday?"

" I'm sorry, I guess I was being pigheaded...oops!"

"WHAT?!"
They both oinked in unison.

"I gotta go, I need to get the fire going and mix my special blend of barbecue spices." I backed out of the pen.

"Oh sure, sure...rub it in." said NTBD.






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12 comments:

swamp4me said...

LOL..."rub it in."

Happy New Year to you and yours. Enjoy your ribs.

roger said...

talking to your food is one thing. hearing it talk back is another thing entirely, even when it's still on its cloven hoofs. pigs are pretty smart and do have personalities. even so, you may be projecting.

happy new year to all. pigs too.

Laura said...

Please tell me you're not going to... you know....
eat THESE little darling pigs?!!!?!

Happy New Years to Mia, NTBD, and all of your family, both four footed and two footed too!

Rexroth's Daughter said...

FC-- Your pigs must really trust you to take you into their confidence like this, and reveal their inner thoughts. I think they must be hoping a few more conversations like this one, and you'll never be able to feast on their kind again!

Hope you and the family have a fantastic New Year's! My best wishes to the piggies too!

Floridacracker said...

Swampy,
Got that one did ya? I wondered if it was too subtle...

DPR,
They have amazing personalities. Here's what I know however, if I ever passed out in their pen...I would be eaten.

Laura,
These pigs are spoiled rotten and will live a life of piggy happiness that the factory farm pigs at the grocer will never know. Still, reality will catch up with them. In March they will go to compete in our local livestock fair and when it's over...well, they go for a truck ride. (We don't discuss this in our conversations over the fence.) For now, it's dirt to dig in, hose showers, all you can eat, and lots of belly and ear rubs.

RD,
I have no problem conversing with animals...I find the veggies to be poor conversationalists however.

Zanne said...

Oooo Ooooo Piggie photos. You know how I love photos of pigs - they're so, well, photogenic! They're hams when it comes to the camera. Bad joke, sorry.

These are sweet pink, happy, healthy looking pigs!

Floridacracker said...

Zanne,
They are two lucky pigs...as pig luck goes.

Hick said...

AWWWW! They are too cute. Pardon me, pigs, but yum,yum yum. Your menu sounds delicious.

By the way, I didn't tell you how beautiful that flamingo poster is. Reminds me of my resolution to learn Photo Shop. Aaack...not even the new year yet.

Funny post.

Floridacracker said...

Hick,
Don't we wish we could paint like that? I mainly paint bedrooms.

The ribs (and chicken)turned out great!

Rurality said...

I have read that happy pigs are tastier pigs. But we've never tried to raise any. Maybe in the future...

Floridacracker said...

Rurality,
I am bonding way too much with these as usual. The fair is going to be hard on me.

Rurality said...

That's what I'd be afraid of as well. Let me know how it goes.