Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Breaking news bulletin: It has been reported that FALL has struck the state of Florida. It appears to have occurred in a single maple along State Road 24 west of Gainesville. Floridians flocked from near and far to see the beautiful fall color. This reporter interviewed a few of the "leaf lookers"
"We drove up from Mount Dora just to look out over the vista" said A. Jones.
"Oh, we just love fall, " said his wife Vera. "Why, last year we drove up to Fernandina to see the leaves...that was a sweetgum I believe."
"No, V,... sweetie, last year's tree had yellow leaves...must have been a hickory," said Mr. Jones.
"Well, it was a beautiful tree, whatever it was." said Vera.
Local GreenBark representative, Ingrid Kisstree used the brilliant fall color of the tree to spread the word about Global Cooling. Standing on a soapbox (made of 70% post-consumer recycled cardboard) Ms. Kisstree expounded on the effects humans and constipated cattle are having on the Earth's climate. "Leaves changing color in Florida just proves my point that we humans are changing global climate patterns...what'll it take for you people to take global cooling seriously...FROST in Frostproof, Florida??"
At this, there was some murmuring in the crowd, "Oh no, we don't want that"...murmur, murmur..."I don't know how to drive in frost"...murmur..."We'll need to get frost chains for our tires"...
Fear of a global chill seemed to cool the crowd's enthusiasm for Fall and most left when Ms. Kisstree invited them to learn more about global cooling over a cup of hot chili at the local Wendy's. Something about her struck this reporter as odd, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
Soon, only a handful of leaf lovers were left gazing at the tree. As the sun set, a stiff wind from the north rattled the tree, stripping away most of the glowing leaves. They swirled in the breeze like embers and then drifted down into the green palmetto thickets.
"Winter!" harrumphed Mr. Smith.
We all walked back to our cars and drove away.
Posted by R.Powers at 8:07 AM