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(photo: Homecoming week dress up day...theme was "dress like a spy")
The mystery package wore a cloak of plain brown paper. It was addressed to me with no return address. I opened it and withdrew an older model cassette player. The tape was already in it.
I pushed the play button.
CLICK: " Good morning, Mr. FC. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is as follows...You will proceed to the graduation ceremony this Saturday ...."
Okay, that doesn't sound so bad, Katie is graduating after all...
"SHUT UP! DO NOT INTERRUPT THE TAPED MISSION MESSAGE! " The cassette player vibrated ominously, and then it continued," As, I was saying, you will proceed to the graduation ceremony and serve as the reader of graduate names... "
What?
"CONTINUE TO INTERRUPT THE TAPED MESSAGE AND IT WON'T BE THE CASSETTE PLAYER THAT DISSOLVES IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE MISTER! ...To continue, you will stand at the podium and read the full name of each graduate as they are called to receive their diploma. You will pronounce each name clearly, including that of your daughter Katie, without any sobby lumps in your throat or those weird pauses men do when they are desperately trying not to get all emotional,smooshy, teary. There are other kids after your Katie and those parents deserve to actually hear their childrens names called."The taped voice paused.
I can do this. I'll practice the list over and over until her name is just another name on the list and I can say it and move on. I have 4 days to smooth out any lumps...
There was a click and the taped voice resumed...
"As always, should you or any of your I. M. Force be caught or killed,or if you screw this up and turn into a pile of blubbery goo, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in 5 seconds"
I took a step back and pondered this new mission as the tape began to smoke, sizzle, and melt.
I've cuffed bad guys, caught alligators, wrangled sharks, been on a high speed chase, cut off my finger, changed diapers, ...
...I can do this.
18 comments:
of COURSE you can...
and I want video footage proving it lol
FC-
Congrats to you, Patience and especially Katie! It seems like just yesterday she and Dude were holding hands and driving the Barbie car! Now they're all grown up! Well at least they think they are. They will always be our babies! Good luck at Graduation and say hi to all!
Now you know the reason behind all that cuffin', catchin', wranglin', chasin', cuttin' and changin'. It was all to get you ready for this suprime challenge.
(sound of comment self- destructing)
Although this post was very funny, you had me sobbing and getting teary eyed before I finished reading this.
You'll do a great job and what an honor to be in Katie's graduating ceremony...but, I don't know how you cannot shed a tear as you announce her name and she walks up to receive her diploma.
Hey, if you shed a tear or choke up, it would be a hard heart indeed who wouldn't find that endearing.
You'll have a great time and undoubtedly comport yourself splendidly.
And congratulations to Katie - I attended my niece's graduation last year and had a ball.
I surprised myself crying at my stepson's graduation; I couldn't imagine reading the names!
You'll do good, but keep an extra hankie in your pocket just in case.
Congratulations to katie for arriving at this wonderful rite of passage. It is quite an occasion. And congrats to you for being chosen to read those names. Whoever chose you knew what they were doing, FC.
You both look great as spies!
pronounce her name in your small tape recorder so when your voice goes south when its her turn you will pass the test,but actually you will pause your voice will crackle and you will then proceed to hug your daughter as she walks bye
It's a good thing they choose you instead of Tom Cruise. (yechh).
I got a kick out of the Mission Impossible theme, LOL!
And congrats to Katie as she moves on to the biggest journey of her life! Congrats to you and your wife as well. as they say down in the sticks: "y'all done good!"
if they ever bring back magnum pi you could pass as toms stunt double
Good work father and daughter! It's hard to believe that this marks the end of the easy part of parenting. Does she care to share any of her future plans? College? Travel? Career? Peace Corps in Kenya (where I happen to know there is an eligible bachelor.)
(Also, one of you really needs to lose the facial hair.)
Two-to-one says you can't. Ho ho.
Mrs. S,
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm sure there will be video.
Lightnin,
Hey, that was a Barbie JEEP!...not a car. Even then the Jeep gene was strong :)
Mac,
I knew that stuff would pay off some day...I feel ready.
Abandoned,
Thank you. Here's my prediction, I'll be melting by the time she finishes her goodbye speech and will spontaneously combust when she hugs me as she passes by.
Wayne,
Thanks...I shall endeavour to persevere.
dpr,
actually bought a new suit and will be more appropriately dressed on saturday. dark glasses will still be needed.
Deb,
Thanks for the good advice! Do they make extra strength blubbery goo kleenex?
Robin,
It was fun being spyish for a day.Made my students nervous...that's always fun.
Rick,
I like the tape recorder idea...as long as it's not one of these self destructing kind.
Laura,
Thanks. It is really hard to believe she's at this point. Fun, but still unbelievable.
Stranger,
She's working on that little hair problem, I give her grooming tips all the time.
College is next, after the summer of course. She's earned a Bright Futures scholarship from the state of Florida as well as a couple of FFA related scholarships and will be starting off at a local community college before transferring to UF.
At least, that's the plan this week.
Hoss,
If I were a bettin' man...
Very funny post!
You must let us know how graduation goes/went. Did you make it through on your mission?? Or are you a pile of Goo?
Ava
I am sure you will do wonderfully at your challenging task, but I am sure glad that it is you and not me.
Our middle one will be graduating in June and it will be enough for me to sit in the audience.
Congrats to your daughter and your whole family on this significant event in your lives.
Hi Ava, and welcome to PureFlorida.
Thanks for the kind words. I will definitely post...post grad ceremony.
Threecollie,
I go every year since I teach these kids and I get a lump in my throat for other people's kids...I can do this. Our middle one follows next May. Whew!
Oh go ahead and tear up. Nothing unmanly about that.
I like dress-like-a-spy day...but talk-like-a-pirate day is easier.
Arrrrrgh.
See?
Can I sit with you and boohoo with you?!?! My babies!
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